Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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