I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
a search helicopter?!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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