Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
