Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
