Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
