i think my mom watched the whole time
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
