You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
