I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
