We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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