So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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