This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My penis needs a shock collar
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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