I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
