Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
