Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
