"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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