I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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