I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
