wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
