I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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