I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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