I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he puts the penis in happiness.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
