you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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