I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
