my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
