Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I need to align my fucking chakras
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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