I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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