But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
