he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
