Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
