I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
