FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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