You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
