i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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