Will you blow on my dice?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
