Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
