my sisters under your porch take her home
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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