His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
