Say something about gay babies.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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