some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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