I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize