I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Let's get the cat blown out
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
