would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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