Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
