He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
