A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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