So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
