NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
