how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
did i walk over a car last night?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
