"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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