apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
