I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize