you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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