His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize