The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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