i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
