I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Come see our sink grown plant.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize