A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
