Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
