You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
