Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize