The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
