No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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