In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
