Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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