I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize