I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My life is pants optional.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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