a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
