Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So here I am, sexting at work.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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