Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
