he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
