You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
