I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
