Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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