I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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