he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
worst night to have a conscience
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize