dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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