i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
