Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
