the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
