I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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