Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize