Kiss
Puke
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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